project 3.docx

bibliography for project 3.docx

Project 2.docx  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdK9zSl2cgE

The social kiss is an exchange of insincerity between two combats on the field of social advancement; it places hygiene before affection and condescension before everything else. Males are known for their fearlessness, effectiveness, intellect, and hygiene. While some males take good care of themselves, most seem to lack basic hygiene knowledge. Axe is specially made to offer manly characteristics by giving men a manly odor while appealing to women. However some believe that axe is simply another deodorant, with an expensive name to it.
The axe commercial lets off a sense of ethos, in that they lead men into believing that they really care about their social status. They do this by showing that when using axe, men are more masculine and they get lots more girls. Axe’s credibility is tough to compete with because it shows men in all environments getting better with just a deodorant. It also shows pathos because it shows that good deodorant. This is a go getter for women

Pheromones are scented sex hormones. Axe uses pheromones to make their products appealing to females. It like steak for wolves almost irresistible. According to pheromones.com, freshly secreted male body odor appeals to women, especially during ovulation. The scent excites women in a sexual way. Axe specially makes its products from secretions similar to that of Body Odor. This would be very good for single men that have failed in attractive arena. Studies show that 25% of young men under the age of 30 are unattractive. They are judged as unattractive either by their looks or their maturity. A lab constructed at Michigan State University about pheromones concluded that a males that smell like pheromones are more attractive to females regardless of age, attractiveness, or maturity. This is also a breakthrough for older men seeking partners. In the case of homosexuality, studies also show that males are attracted to males. Homosexual males may find that this is a good contribution because it makes it easier for them to find a partner, but males with no homosexual orientation may find this offensive, however most males will not act on pure smell.

Companies are known to produce products that do not work properly, or do not satisfy their purpose. For example ‘Seabreeze’, which does not fulfill its purpose of cleansing one’s pores. In fact it is known to dry out pores instead of providing moisture and cleanliness. However products like this have a trend, they tend to be cheap and easily accessed. Some claim that Axe is the same thing, and that it does not satisfy its purpose. In fact some believe that its claims are merely exasperated in order to get more customers. But research proves differently. Research shows that men who wears Axe are definitely more recognized. That goes to say that Axe fulfills its purpose of drawing women to men giving them an appealing smell. That is going above and beyond so it deserves credibility. Axe may cost a little bit more than other deodorants but it serves its purpose. For example Axe’s 2 in 1 conditioner costs about $5, while Avon costs about $2.50. The difference is once again Axe provides more than just a refreshing odor, it provides women. Its commercial strategies are also incomparable with other hygiene companies. Axe’s commercials usually has a guy sweating bullets, and all the girls avoiding him; but after wearing Axe, the guy usually has no problems getting girls. Axe also has one of the highest customer approval, mainly because it works. Studies also prove that guys that take the time to go out of their way to look and smell good, have the tendency to get a lot more girls. For example, a guy that wears Polo products is preferred over a guy that wears Hollister, because to a girl, he can offer more. Humans like emotions, and that is what Axe offers. It offers men a chance to meet potential partners, and what could be better than that. Almost everyone wants to find a special someone, so it is natural for them to choose Axe over other normal deodorants. Axe offers a sense of pathos, while doing its job which makes its job a lot better. Therefore, it is not just another expensive deodorant because it offers more than it needs to, and especially a sense of pathos (emotion), which is one of the most treasured values in the world.

Some worry that the idea of pheromones is an imaginary one, that women are not attracted to a certain smell, but science proves otherwise. According to the University of Pennsylvania, a study of pheromones revealed that exposure to male perspiration has marked physiological and psychological effects on women. In greater detail, It can brighten women's moods, reducing tension and increasing relaxation, and also has a direct effect on the release of luteinizing hormone, which affects the length and timing of the menstrual cycle. Women also reported feeling less tense during an exposure to male secretion. In another study using underarm extracts with men who bathed in fragrance free soap and used no deodorant for four weeks proved to appeal more to female senses. That is to say women are attracted to men with a greater pheromone appeal. Axe offers pheromone appeal, so its product is way better than any other detergent. Along with this comes a sense of ethos or credibility. Since Axe lives up to its name, it is easier for customers to appreciate their products.

RESPONSE

1) After reading this paper the thesis seems to be as following:
“The social kiss is an exchange of insincerity between two combats on the field of social advancement; it places hygiene before affection and condescension before everything else. Males are known for their fearlessness, effectiveness, intellect, and hygiene. While some males take good care of themselves, most seem to lack basic hygiene knowledge. Axe is specially made to offer manly characteristics by giving men a manly odor while appealing to women. However some believe that axe is simply another deodorant, with an expensive name to it.”
- I liked how you started off with “the social kiss..”

2) The paper has a clear purpose it is trying to prove that Axe is in fact truly a deodorant the differs from any other brand seeing as that it provides the smell of pheromones within it, which attracts the female gender. The reason why I believe this argument is an interesting one to target audience such as myself is because we currently are at that age were relationships matter and our physical image/odor are important to us, so it is something that most males can relate to and also females if they are interested in the smell of Axe products. The exigence in this situation is that Axe has provided scented deodorants that are scientifically proven to attract more females.

3) The paper seems to follow a clear paragraph and structure, the points seem to build of each other smoothly, the one thing I would suggest changing is your description of pheromones which tells the reader more about them that is currently located in your last paragraph to a little earlier on in the paper. I suggest doing this because the idea of pheromones gets introduced early on and the scientific proof comes near the end so if they were right after each other I believe it would be more effective.

4) The writer in this paper did not jump into any conclusions she supported her thoughts and opinions thoroughly after everything was stated.

5) In my opinion the strongest parts of her paper are her introduction when she integrated the social kiss because at first you didn’t know what it was going to be about, but then when she stated “an exchange of insincerity between two combats on the field of social advancement; it places hygiene before affection and condescension before everything else”. The other strong part I found in her paper was the fact that she incorporated research from the University of Pennsylvania into her argument, that helped her credibility throughout the paper and made readers trust what they were reading.

6) What I believe the weakest part in her paper is in the second last paragraph when she begins to discuss Pathos but only for a sentence, this maybe because it is a rough draft and she hasn’t completed her paper yet but I suggest her going into a little more detail about it.

7) If I were presenting a counter argument it would be something along the lines of, the products by Axe are simply just an advertising campaign that are found interesting by young males and it is just a way to sell their products, because really who doesn’t want a whole bunch of girls coming up to them after they put deodorant on. Even if there is pheromone in their products it is probably a minuscule amount that women can’t even smell.

8) I found the sentence structure to be very well, there are some fragments near the end of paper such as:
Along with this comes a sense of ethos or credibility. Since Axe lives up to its name, it is easier for customers to appreciate their products.
- I think it might be better to incorporate these sentences together, and talk a little more about credibility.

9) I would give this paper an A ;)

Response by Nour Ghamrawi

Peer review by Farah

1.  There is a clear argument stated in the paper that axe is really the number one deodorant for men. The quote in the beginning is unique to start off the paper.

2. The papers purpose basically states axe is the best deodorant around for men and it clearly states in your paper that it targets to both men and women . Men that they need to smell great and this is how they can and for women it describes as boys that apply axe are “amazing.”

3. The paper does flow clearly in explain what , when , why , and how axe is affective. The paper so far describes as axe as the best selling deodorant the facts state is also. Maybe there could have been more transitions but the paper right now flows well.

4. The paper so far does not seem exaggerated at all because you use facts stated by other places , you use a clear description of the axe commercial. I feel like the axe commercials are over exaggerated in how they are the best.

5. The beginning to me is the strongest part of the paper, it flows well into the other paragraphs.

6. The weakest part to me would be repetitive at times but overall well written.

7. A counter argument for this advertisement would be how axe is not that great and there are better companies out there , and list prices how they are cheaper. You have listed that but also gave the examples of universities which makes your paper stand out

8. The paper overall flows well maybe the word choice towards the end could be changed.

9. I would give this paper an A because the order, target audience, argument is all there and is explained well.

Project Three Peer Review By Colton Dale

1. Is the project clearly based on a definition? I.e., is it clear that the fundamental objective of the paper is based around a definition or series of definitions?

Yes, the topic is clearly stated within the first couple of sentences.  First sentence needs to be revised to make more sense though.  First paragraph is strong.

2. How strong are the criteria that the writer is using to compose their definition? Can you think of any items that also match the criteria used that the writer (as far as you can tell) would likely not want to be included the category being defined?

The definition given in the first paragraph is a good one.  Makes a lot of sense logically to pick the particular definition.  Needs to be expanded though, obviously.

3. What is the strongest counterargument you can think of to refute the argument of this paper? E.g., what would you point out/argue for to suggest that the author has their definition wrong, has neglected to consider a certain issue, or has presumed too much in their definition argument?

Sometimes adultery is acceptable in some cultures.  In China it is acceptable to cheat on a spouse if you pay the prostitute-like person in money, and not in love.  It is only in Western cultures that adultery is really that big of a deal.  Also, adultery is really based on the teachings of the bible.  The old testament has been seen, even by some Christians, as an ancient moral guide that shouldn't even be followed anymore because it is so old and out of date.

4. What do you take to be the strongest element of this project?

The strong opening paragraph, definition needs to be expanded and talked about more, instead of just passing by it and throwing out a proposal.

5. What do you find to be the weakest part (most in need of improvement) of the project?

Needs expanding obviously, mostly unfinished paper.  Also, defend the definition more, instead of giving a proposal.  Remember, its a definition paper.  Try skimming the word file that Jared emailed to us all about how to help us structure our definition papers.  It helped me a lot. 

6. On the sentence-level, did you find the paper to be well written? Does it contain poor grammmar or sentence-fragments? Does it include "run-on" sentences? Is it unnecessarily wordy at times?

It was alright, needs some revising to make more logical sense.

7. Does the author provide clear exigence for the project? I.e., do they make it clear why they think this is an important term/concept to be defined in the present moment? Do you get a sense of why this project would be interesting today rather than, for instance, 50 years ago?

Not really a good exigence in the project.  No real conveyance of a need for adultery to stop, but I'm sure that would be mentioned in later paragraphs if the project was complete.  The idea that this topic is more important today rather than 50 years ago is strong though, as we all know that adultery, cheating, and divorce is on the rise.

8. What grade would you assign this project if this were the final draft?

E.  ONLY because it is severely incomplete.