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Adidas Peer Review 1

Page history last edited by dw5149@wayne.edu 9 years, 4 months ago

Damien Gietzen

 

 

1. Is there a clear argument/thesis to the paper? Identify the thesis directly in the text or paraphrase it in your own words.

 

There is a clear argument that adidas succesfully advertises to "Be Original" by wearing Adidas.

 

2. Does the paper have a clear exigence and purpose? Do you have a solid idea of why this argument is an important one and/or why it is or should be interesting to an audience made up of people such as yourself? What is the exigence?

 

The exigence is a sense of urgency to buy Adidas to be original or like their idols.  It was pretty clear to find the exigence and I think that it definitely appeals to the audience.  Adidas is a popular company associated with sports and I think that the angle they use in their ad campaign is pretty interesting.  It definitely will be interesting because everyone strives to be original in someway.

 

3. Does the paper follow a clear structure or does it read more like a disconnected series of observations? I.e., do the different paragraphs or sections of the piece seem to follow from one another? Are there appropriate transitions between different sections and ideas? Is there any part of the paper that seems unnecessary - "beside the point" or unrelated to the overall argument of the project as a whole?

 

You do a good job of following the direction of your thesis.  You cover the celebrities incorporated, the different ways Adidas gets out the message of being original, as well as how they still use this to convince people to buy their product.  I liked how you were able to break up the ethos, pathos and logos into seperate paragraphs. 

     I feel that you may be going from one paragraph to the next without much of a transition.  Like this is argument A, this is argument B, etc.  I would suggest using some sort of transition to just make a flow a bit better.

 

4. Did any argument or analysis in this paper seem unwarranted or exaggerated (in other words, did you think the writer was "jumping to conclusions" at times or being unfairly judgmental or dismissive)?

 

I actually think you did quite a good job of avoiding this.  You started with the obvious statements being made.  The paragraphs showing the techniques used that get the message of "Be Original" across.  Then you go into the part that says they are still trying to make you buy their product to "Be Original" or like the idols in the commercials.  I think that flowed very well and you didn't exaggerate any of these claims.

 

5. What, in your opinion, is the strongest part of this paper?

 

I think the strongest part of this paper the ending paragraph so far.  I think it supports your claim that their ads are succesfully selling their product the best.  You show the use of a synecdoche where "behind the smoke and mirrors" they are really telling you to buy their product, then you will be original.

 

6. What, in your opinion, is the weakest part of this paper?

 

I would say the weakest part of the paper would be the transitions.  It does feel a bit "cookie cutter" with the paragraphs.  It should be a simple enough, quick fix that can really help the flow of the paper.

 

7. If you were presenting a counter-argument to the paper (i.e., an attempt to argue against the thesis or central argument of the paper), what would it be? E.g., if you were asked to provide a counter-argument to the example paper we read on "Advergaming," you might argue that advertising in gaming is either not as widespread or not as problematic as the authors suggests (and provided reasons).

 

I would probably point out the hyocritical statement being made in the ad and that it cannot be succesful because it isn't really promoting to be original at all.  It is saying buy our product if you want to be original like people's pop culture idols.  This really isn't original at all.

 

8. On the sentence-level, did you find the paper to be well written? Does it contain poor grammmar or sentence-fragments? Is it unnecessarily wordy at times?

 

It's written quite well.  There are a few grammar errors here and there that you want to just read over and you will see.  ( Adidas use of speech... )  just put a ' after the s.  But most of the paper was good.

 

9. Finally, what grade would you give this paper if you were evaluating it as it is now?

 

I would probably give it an A as of now.  There is good information to support the claim that is being made.  It includes major rhetoric styles and analyzes how they were used to get the message across.  It was overall a good read.

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